Stepparent Self Assessment Survey

© Dr. Bill Nodrick and Bev Nodrick 2007

Part 1: General Information

My gender is: Select Female Male

I have been in my present stepfamily relationship for: Select Less than one 1 year 2 years 3 Years 4 Years 5 Years 6 Years 7 Years 8 Years 9 Years 10 Years 11 Years 12 Years 13 Years 14 Years 15 Years 16 Years 17 Years 18 Years 19 Years 20 Years 21 Years 22 Years 23 Years 24 Years 25 Years Over 25 Years

Part 2: My overall progress

At this point in the journey, I feel that my level of mastery of the stepparent role is about: Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

Part 3: My Progress in 8 general and 26 specific areas:

I) Self Care:

1. I care for myself responsibly, knowing if I do not, I will have little or nothing to give to the people in my life whom I care the most about. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

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II) Relationship:

2. Outside of meeting my essential needs for self-care, my relationship with my partner is my number one priority. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

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III) Role:

3. I have fashioned my role in this stepfamily to suit my individual relationships and comfort level, rather than to reflect prescribed roles and unrealistic expectations—including my own. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

4. I am a full participant in all decisions that stand to impact my relationship with my partner and my stepfamily. My partner and I work as a team. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

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IV) Kids

5. I do not accept responsibility for the welfare of children over whom I can set no limits. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

6. My stepchildren and I are quite “OK” with the relationships we have with one another. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

7. I do not feel that my every waking moment should be devoted to the children. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

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V) Others

8. I genuinely listen to understand, and strive to communicate clearly, truthfully and respectfully. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

9. I treat each member of my stepfamily with kindness, courtesy and respect—and require the same in return. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

10. I am respectful of the fact that most members of a stepfamily have grief to heal. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

11. I do not allow people outside of my immediate family to impose plans that affect my life without my consent. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

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VI) Home

12. I set and honor realistic limits and boundaries, and choose my battles wisely.  Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

13. I will not accept being treated as an "outsider" in my own home. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

14. I do not assume sole responsibility for this stepfamily’s success or happiness. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

15. I do not assume sole responsibility for the housework. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

16. I require that others respect my private space and personal possessions. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

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VII) Conflict

17. I do not see myself, nor anyone else, as “the problem with this stepfamily”. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

18. I excuse myself from being “caught in the middle” of conflicts between my stepchildren and their parents. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

19.  I refuse to say anything derogatory about any child’s natural parent. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

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VIII) Self Regard

20. Rather than clamoring for an instant family, instant love, and instant acceptance, I am able to go slowly enough to allow everyone time to find his/her unique place within this stepfamily. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

21. I am reassured in times of difficulty knowing that confronting and resolving difficulties helps to create the ties that bind the stepfamily together. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%  

22. I’m strong enough and wise enough to seek out the guidance and support I need; and to use it. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

23. I am confident enough in my relationship and role, and knowledgeable enough about stepfamily life that I do not “take things personally”. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

24. I have forgiven myself for all of the negative thoughts, feelings, words, and actions I held or expressed about myself, my partner, the kids and prior spouses. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

25. I’m able to give myself credit for my efforts, for learning from my mistakes, and for the successes I have already achieved. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

26. I allow myself to “relax” and “lighten up”. Select 0 to 10% 10 to 20% 20 to 30% 30 to 40% 40 to 50% 50 to 60% 60 to 70% 70 to 80% 80 to 90% 90 to 100%

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Thanks for your time and careful attention. They are both very much appreciated.