Stepparent Self Assessment: Progress Chart

© Dr. Bill Nodrick and Bev Nodrick 2007

Instructions:  Following the example shown below, fill in a progress bar for each item to show how well you feel you are currently succeeding in that aspect of the stepparent role. Use a pencil so you can update and revise your ratings as things change for you.

Example:
Limited success in fulfilling the role                                Moderate 	
success                                 Very successful in fulfilling the role.	

0 - 10%	
11 - 20%	
21 -30%	
31 - 40%	
41 - 50%	
51 - 60%	
61 - 70%	
71 - 80%	
81 - 90%	
91 - 100%	

.	

The Survey Questions
 
My overall progress: 

At this point in the journey, I feel that my level of mastery of the stepparent role is about:       
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	
 
My progress in 8 general, and 26 specific areas:

Self Care
1. I care for myself responsibly, knowing if I do not, I will have little or nothing to give to the people in my life whom I care the most about.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

Relationship
2. Outside of meeting my essential needs for self-care, my relationship with my partner is my number one priority.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

Role
3. I have fashioned my role in this stepfamily to suit my individual relationships and comfort level, rather than to reflect prescribed roles and unrealistic expectations—including my own.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

4. I am a full participant in all decisions that stand to impact my relationship with my partner and my stepfamily. My partner and I work as a team.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

Kids
5. I do not accept responsibility for the welfare of children over whom I can set no limits.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

6. My stepchildren and I are quite “OK” with the relationships we have with one another.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

7. I do not feel that my every waking moment should be devoted to the children.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

Others
8. I genuinely listen to understand, and strive to communicate clearly, truthfully and respectfully.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

9. I treat each member of my stepfamily with kindness, courtesy and respect—and require the same in return.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

10. I am respectful of the fact that most members of a stepfamily have grief to heal.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

11. I do not allow people outside of my immediate family to impose plans that affect my life without my consent. 
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

Home
12. I set and honor realistic limits and boundaries, and choose my battles wisely.                   
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

13. I will not accept being treated as an "outsider" in my own home.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

14. I do not assume sole responsibility for this stepfamily’s success or happiness.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

15. I do not assume sole responsibility for the housework.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

16. I require that others respect my private space and personal possessions.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

Conflict
17. I do not see myself, nor anyone else, as “the problem with this stepfamily”.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

18. I excuse myself from being “caught in the middle” of conflicts between my stepchildren and their parents.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

19.  I refuse to say anything derogatory about any child’s natural parent.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

Self Regard
20. Rather than clamoring for an instant family, instant love, and instant acceptance, I am able to go slowly enough to allow everyone time to find his/her unique place within this stepfamily.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

21. I am reassured in times of difficulty knowing that confronting and resolving difficulties helps to create the ties that bind the stepfamily together.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

22. I’m strong enough and wise enough to seek out the guidance and support I need; and to use it.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

23. I am confident enough in my relationship and role, and knowledgeable enough about stepfamily life that I do not “take things personally”.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

24. I have forgiven myself for all of the negative thoughts, feelings, words, and actions I held or expressed about myself, my partner, the kids and prior spouses.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

25. I’m able to give myself credit for my efforts, for learning from my mistakes, and for the successes I have already achieved.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

26. I allow myself to “relax” and “lighten up”.
0 - 10%	11 - 20%	21 -30%	31 - 40%	41 - 50%	51 - 60%	61 - 70%	71 - 80%	81 - 90%	91 - 100%	

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