Co-parenting Journal 
© Dr. Bill Nodrick 2006

The Co-parenting Journal is an idea that was borne out of necessity. Its originator asked us to:
a) share information regarding its creation, construction and use with you, and
b) invite you to use it to foster improved communication with your prior spouse. 

Background: In accordance with a court order, the children involved were shuttling, on alternate weeks, between their mom’s and dad’s homes. The parents had been given equal authority over the children, and were directed to collaborate fully in any and all decisions impacting the children. Unfortunately, however, they were having no success in their efforts to communicate with one another. In fact, their attempts to do so appeared to be intensifying the difficulties they were encountering. 
Suspecting that their “method” of communicating could be contributing to the problems they were having, one of the parents (the father) developed the Co-parenting Journal. He then a) provided notice that he would no longer engage in any form of communication outside of the Co-parenting Journal, but b) stressed that he was prepared to communicate fully and at length through the Journal. 
It took some time, and it was very hard to resist the many “invitations” to return to old ways of doing things, but the pay off was well worth it. All of the involved parties now agree that the Co-parenting Journal is “working great!”. 
If you are having similar communication difficulties, consider giving the Co-parenting Journal a try. To assist you in this regard, following are:

•	details about the Co-parenting Journal and how to use it. (You can share this information with your prior spouse.)
•	templates you can use to print (and renew) your own Co-parenting Journal, and
•	some example Co-parenting Journal entries.

Please note: This information is provided by the Stepfamily Foundation of Alberta for the personal use of stepfamilies. It is not to be used for commercial purposes, nor is it to be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the author.

Co-Parenting Journal: Details

1.	The Co-parenting Journal is constructed using a three-ring binder that: a) has a built-in pocket to hold envelopes and other important documents, and b) that is divided into the following sections: 

•	Schedule 
•	Activities 
•	School    
•	Fees 
•	Medical  
•	Issues 
•	Requests
•	Documents 
•	Miscellaneous, and 
•	Contact information.

Each of these sections includes several blank, lined (i.e., loose-leaf) pages, and is marked by a colour-coded tab.

2. When the children are in your care, any information that you need to forward to the other household is recorded under the appropriate section as a dated entry. Any important typed materials (e.g., information about parent-teacher conferences, awards ceremonies, etc.) are simply stapled under the appropriate section; and comments are appended as necessary.

3. All children (especially the child acting as the “courier” of the Journal) are made aware of the Journal, how it will be used to keep both households up-to-date, and that any sealed documents are to be left sealed for the receiving parent.

4. The Journal is placed in the “courier” child’s backpack before the kids head off for their other parent’s residence.

5.  The “receiving” parent reviews the Journal at their first opportunity after the children’s arrival, and records (and dates) any information they wish to transmit back to the first household.

The advantages of using the Journal are many. They include:
1)	You will be much less likely to forward a “rant” (because it takes a lot of time and energy to record a rant in written form.),
2)	You can ask a “neutral” third party review your entries before sending them off to the other household. (This will help you to ensure that your entries are clearly focused upon the needs of the kids and the co-parenting task.)
3)	You will know that the other parent will receive all of the information you forward.
4)	There will be no disputing what was/was not said, when it was said, or how it was said.
5)	The children will clearly see BOTH of their parents upholding their obligation to continue to co-parent them, but
6)	they will be spared the very stressful job of serving as an intermediary in their parents’ attempts to communicate with one another.  

Constructing your Co-parenting Journal

Equipment: If you don’t have access to a three-holed punch, you might consider printing all of the following documents on blank, loose-leaf paper that is pre-punched. 

Tabs: Below are coloured tabs you can cut out and use to divide your Journal into the suggested sections. If coloured plastic tabs are supplied with your binder, or you decide to purchase dividers that have coloured tab holders attached, you may need to use the plain white tabs (that also appear below).  

S
C
H
E
D
U
L
E
S	A
C
T
I
V
I
T
I
E
S	

I
S
S
U
E
S
	
R
E
Q
U
E
S
T
S

S
C
H
O
O
L

F
E
E
S
	
M
E
D
I
C
A
L
	
D
O
C
U
M
E
N
T
S

M
I
S
C

C
O
N
T
A
C
T
	S
C
H
E
D
U
L
E
S	A
C
T
I
V
I
T
I
E
S	

I
S
S
U
E
S
	
R
E
Q
U
E
S
T
S

S
C
H
O
O
L

F
E
E
S
	
M
E
D
I
C
A
L
	D
O
C
U
M
E
N
T
S

M
I
S
C
	
C
O
N
T
A
C
T

Cover Pages: The next section of this document provides Cover Pages for each of the Journal’s sections. Each Cover Page provides a comment on the type of information that should be included in that section. Attach the appropriate tab to each of the cover pages to make it easy to find section and information of interest.

Note Pages: Place several pages of lined, loose-leaf paper in each section to record your messages upon. Additional sheets can be added as needed; and old ones removed and stored if desired. It is a good idea to date each entry in the margin. It is also a good idea for each person writing in the journal to use one colour of ink throughout, so their comments will be easier to find. Storing a couple of pens in the journal (e.g., one with blue, and the other black ink) will help with this. 

A Note Page template has been included just in case lined, loose-leaf paper is not immediately available. Print out as many copies as you require.

Calendar: A calendar covering the 12 months of the coming year has been included. Each month appears on a separate page. Print out as many months as you need. Return to the Stepfamily Foundation of Alberta website (www.stepfamily.ca) when you need to update the calendar.

Example comments: The final section of this document includes excerpts from the original Co-parenting Journal. These examples are included to give you a sense of how the Journal was actually used. All identifying information has been revised to ensure the privacy of the individuals involved.

Schedules	

This section a) includes a calendar, and b) is used to list any recurring and other important appointments. 

Feel free to colour-code and/or write notes and appointment times directly on the calendar. 

When you need to refresh the calendar, you can download an up-to-date one from: http://www.calendarlabs.com/printable-calendar.php .

Activities	

This section can be used to outline information that is necessary to share regarding “friend” related activities, birthday parties, play dates, etc. 

Issues	

This section can be used to outline any concerns or issues with the kids that the other parent needs to know. It is not to be used as a forum to air grievances.

Requests	

This section can be used to request anything that is out of the ordinary. For example, if one of the kids needs their skates for school, detail the request here. 

School	

This section will supplement information covered in the child’s agenda that travels back and forth from the school. For example, use this area to co-ordinate who will attend assemblies and field trips, etc. 

Fees	

This section can be used to record details regarding fees and payments.

Medical	

This section can be used to provide any details regarding medical concerns and treatments.

Documents	

This section can be used to list any documents that have been placed in the Journal pocket; and to note when they have been placed in a sealed envelope so that only the intended recipient is able to read them. 

Miscellaneous	
 
This section can be used for any and all items that are not well accommodated in the other sections. For example, important accomplishments, such as earning another badge in Scouts, or learning to ride a two-wheeler could be noted here. 

Contact Information	

This section will contain contact information (e.g., address, phone numbers, email, affiliation, etc.) for anyone that might be necessary to reach in the event of an emergency or an unexpected change of plans.

Date	Comment	

		

		

		

		

		

		

		

		

		

		

		

		

		

		

		

2006

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
1	2	3	4	5	6	7	
8	9	10	11	12	13	14	
15	16	17	18	19	20	21	
22	23	24	25	26	27	28	
29	30	31					
Renew your calendar for free at: http://www.calendarlabs.com/printable-calendar.php	

October

2006

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
			1	2	3	4	
5	6	7	8	9	10	11	
12	13	14	15	16	17	18	
19	20	21	22	23	24	25	
26	27	28	29	30			

November

2006

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
					1	2	
3	4	5	6	7	8	9	
10	11	12	13	14	15	16	
17	18	19	20	21	22	23	
24	25	26	27	28	29	30	
31							

December

2007

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
	1	2	3	4	5	6	
7	8	9	10	11	12	13	
14	15	16	17	18	19	20	
21	22	23	24	25	26	27	
28	29	30	31				

January

2007

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
				1	2	3	
4	5	6	7	8	9	10	
11	12	13	14	15	16	17	
18	19	20	21	22	23	24	
25	26	27	28				

February

2007

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
				1	2	3	
4	5	6	7	8	9	10	
11	12	13	14	15	16	17	
18	19	20	21	22	23	24	
25	26	27	28	29	30	31	

March

2007

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
1	2	3	4	5	6	7	
8	9	10	11	12	13	14	
15	16	17	18	19	20	21	
22	23	24	25	26	27	28	
29	30						

April

2007

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
		1	2	3	4	5	
6	7	8	9	10	11	12	
13	14	15	16	17	18	19	
20	21	22	23	24	25	26	
27	28	29	30	31			

May

2007

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
					1	2	
3	4	5	6	7	8	9	
10	11	12	13	14	15	16	
17	18	19	20	21	22	23	
24	25	26	27	28	29	30	

June

2007

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
1	2	3	4	5	6	7	
8	9	10	11	12	13	14	
15	16	17	18	19	20	21	
22	23	24	25	26	27	28	
29	30	31					

July

2007

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
			1	2	3	4	
5	6	7	8	9	10	11	
12	13	14	15	16	17	18	
19	20	21	22	23	24	25	
26	27	28	29	30	31		

August

2007

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
						1	
2	3	4	5	6	7	8	
9	10	11	12	13	14	15	
16	17	18	19	20	21	22	
23	24	25	26	27	28	29	
30							

September

2007

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	
	1	2	3	4	5	6	
7	8	9	10	11	12	13	
14	15	16	17	18	19	20	
21	22	23	24	25	26	27	
28	29	30	31				

October

 

Example Entries

Schedules	

07 / 21 / 05	Please include the schedule for Robby’s Tae Kwon-do.

07 / 26 / 05	Schedule for Robby’s Tae Kwon-do:
Every Tuesday and Thursday evening – 6:00 to 7:00 PM

07 / 29 / 05	Thank you. That’s great! I hear he loves it!

08 / 03	On September 24th there is a parents’ night for Robby’s football. We have the kids that weekend and would rather spend the time with them. Would you like to go? Let me know as I feel one parent should be there. And, if you are not going, I will try to make arrangements.

08 / 04	For Sept. 24th Parents’ night, I am easy, your call!

Activities	

09 / 21 / 05	Bradley has been invited to David’s birthday party next weekend (Saturday 3:00 to 5:00 PM) when he’ll be with you. I’ve included the necessary contact info. Let me know if you’ll be able to take him to pick up a gift. Thanks.

Issues	

09 / 09 / 05	I was surprised that Robby was not enrolled for indoor soccer. This was an issue that you and I had agreed upon in early summer. When Bradley wanted to change his activity I gave you the courtesy of notifying you and allowing you to voice your thoughts and opinion on this issue. I will expect the same courtesy to be given in the future. Either child can phone me at any time to discuss any changes to their activities as I have done the other way. As a result, it concerns me that Robby will not continue with an activity after football has finished so I enrolled him in swimming. Maybe next time we can work together on what’s best for the boys.

09 / 14 / 05	I did what was best. Robby gets too stressed out with both sports at the same time and very time consuming. I figured the two of you would talk during your time together. I agree on the swimming.

09 / 20 / 05	Leanne, the whole point of my comment to discuss things amongst both parents is the fact that all decision making is up to both of us. I know that you would want to be consulted and involved in any changes the boys are wanting in their activities. You may feel that what you did was best for Robby, however, as the court order states, all decision making is up to both of us. I expect to be consulted should this issue arise again as stated. I will give you the same consideration in return.

Requests	

02 / 03 / 06 	I would like to hear your thoughts on my suggestion that the boys join outdoor soccer out here in Green Acres. As we have moved, there are lots of new people to meet and we really would like for the boys to have a network of friends in our neighbourhood too. 
	
	I will be driving both Robby and Bradley into town for their football practices and games and so I am hoping that you will agree to drive the boys out here. I do have to confirm prior to anything else that Bradley’s practices would not be on a Tuesday and Thursday, and if they are then you, Bradley and I will have to establish if he wants to put Tae Kwon-do on hold or if he wants to miss out on soccer. Please let me know your thoughts?

02/ 05 / 06	Both boys said to me that’s OK but Green Acres soccer sucks. That was before I told them so they still can make an effort to play.

	I’m willing, but if it gets to be too much since I am only one person, two kids and a full-time job we’ll see how it goes.

05 / 16 / 06	I would like to address your concerns one issue at a time. Perhaps if we break it down we can resolve the problems.

	1) You have stated ….	

School	

05 / 05 / 05 	Parent-teacher meeting went well. Sorry you couldn’t make it. If you have any questions or concerns, Mrs. Fromm said she’d be pleased to speak with you directly.

Fees	

09 / 09 / 05	The boys ended up going to Village Square 3 days at $70.00 for both. $70 x 3 = $210. Your half to pay me direct is $105.00. (Receipt attached.) 

Medical	

15 / 05 / 05	Dr. Ho wants to go ahead with Bradley’s assessment. Please complete the form I’ve enclosed in the envelope and return it directly to Dr. Ho’s office. (Her contact info has been added.) Bradley’s teacher and I will be completing and submitting forms as well. 

Documents	

09 / 02 / 05	* PLEASE READ ENCLOSED LETTER IN ENVELOPE OUTLINING OTHER CONCERNS AND ISSUES. 

Contact Information	

David Applebee	Brad’s school chum		84D Westgrove Way	265-1492
Mr. Alex Chan	Tae Kwon-do instructor		1300 Centre Street NW	228-4275